First 6 Months With A Puppy: Puppy Blues, Extra Cuddles, And Cross Country Move
Tomorrow (November 19th) is our 6 month anniversary with Chauncey as our third wheel, third roommate, third member of our little family. He is vivacious, hilarious, and a handful.
Looking back at the last 6 months, the word I would most use to describe this time in our lives would be “dynamic.” Any time we think that we have our handle on puppy parenthood there’s a new twist or mountain or behavior we have to help him unlearn or learn.
The draw for a puppy is the love you know that will unconditionally come with the little one. Chauncey is the cuddliest puppy that has ever been mine. I grew up with a Maltese who made it clear that she loved you, but who appreciated her personal space more than she wanted cuddles. Chauncey is the exact opposite. He wants to be on top of you all.the.time.
Attachment Issues…
To be loved by Chauncey is to be loved out loud. It’s so sweet, but it’s also one of the harder parts of the last 6 months. Quarantine and covid has added a specific layer of difficult to his attachment issues as well. We don’t leave him really ever. Mostly because where are we supposed to go in the middle of a pandemic? Since he was tiny, it’s been the 3 of us and it’s sent him the signal that he is only safe if he is with both of us. It’s something we’re trying to work on but that proves difficult because of his anxiety. We’re at the point where we’re actually going to get our vet to help guide us through making him feel less anxious in situations we wish he would love — like walks, long car rides, or being in a different room than us.
The Serenity Prayer is real…
The last 6 months have reminded me that the Serenity Prayer exists for a reason and I’m better off on days when I lean on it. The prayer goes like this, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” Getting Chauncey has helped ground me in understanding what I can and can’t control in a way that I’ve needed to for a long time. I have a tendency to be a caregiver to anyone and everyone. Having a puppy has brought me back to who, what, where, when, and why of caregiving. In that, I can’t overextend myself and try to control every second of his (or anyone’s) life, all I can focus on is what I can control. I can be kind to myself, try my best, and remember that introducing myself into the equation doesn’t have to be a martyr situation. Chauncey has taught me so much about patience, being slow to anger, and letting go of moments after they’re solved. He’s so kind and forgiving too, like when he knows he’s done something bad, he kind of nuzzles up next to you and stares to remind you that he didn’t mean, he just didn’t know better.
Admit when you need help…
Getting a puppy feels like your utmost biggest responsibility and there’s a window of time when you just want to do it all alone. You’re determined to make him the best trained pup west of the Mississippi. If the last 6 months have taught me anything is that no puppy parent can survive alone. Even with the two of us at home, we resort to our other resources when we need to. First up, Google. I google literally anything. Last week before I called the vet, I had to google “why does my puppy smell like fish?”. There is so much I don’t know and that I honestly am okay not being an expert on. Second up, friends, family, strangers — in that, anyone who wants to spend time with a puppy is more than welcomed to because jeez we need a break. A few weeks back, we took him to get groomed. Yes, he needed to get groomed, but also we just wanted to go on a date — the two of us in a car when we don’t have to worry if a pup was going to throw up. It was heaven to spend time with my boyfriend. It was heaven to pick up Chauncey that afternoon and give him extra snuggles.
Shame game…
I am halfway through writing this post and I can admit that I feel kind of shitty that a lot of what I’m writing about leans on the hard, the challenging, or the downs of puppy parenthood. I feel slightly ashamed that I’m not just talking about how cute he is, how adorable he is when you walk through the door after a zoom meeting, or how funny he is when he yawns. All of the good magical parts about getting a puppy are honestly there and real. It’s what leads humans like us to become puppy parents in the first place. The thing is that very few people talk about the other harder parts that on low days make you feel simultaneously like shit while you stare at him taking a crap on your new rug (happened this morning). I believe in talking about these harder parts too because informed decisions offer less surprises and while it definitely doesn’t prepare you for the live and in color version of your puppy, it will make you feel less lonely when you cry as he cries in his crate.
The impact on our relationship…
Getting Chauncey was a dream come true for us both. Tyler had his name picked out since the minute we started dating. He knew he wanted a little wiener dog. When we saw Chauncey we knew he was our Chauncey. It’s brought us together more to have this little thing we share responsibility for. It’s also taught us to share more than just the good. We’re both incredibly independent humans and self-sufficient in ways a puppy is not. Having to take turns on looking after him, especially when he was much smaller, put an initial strain on us because we were in new waters. We didn’t understand how to communicate what we needed because it took us a while to understand what we needed. Even now after our move, I’ve found that I’ve had to ask Tyler to help or step in for certain things that I maybe wouldn’t have had to prior to our move simply because it took a really hard toll on me to see how much our move had pushed Chauncey back 15 steps. The high-low here, we have definitely had fights over Chauncey, we have definitely been frustrated with each other about how we each define puppy training, but we have also been more of a team than ever before. When Tyler is in his puppy blue mood, I usually am not and can help point out the cuteness that is Chauncey. When I’m in my puppy blue mood, Tyler does the same for me. I could not be more grateful.
Puppy Blues…
Puppy Blues Are Real. That’s it. That’s the sentence. I have a friend who got a puppy a few months after us and we text often about the struggles of adjusting to life with a puppy. I’m also coming to accept that puppy blues don’t just end, it’s kind of lingered over the last 6 months in different degrees. Those first few weeks we had major, major moments of regret even if we did love Chauncey from day 1. The lack of sleep, not understanding what he needed, the constant chewing at things he shouldn’t have chewed on, the time he almost ate a string light bulb and it was COVID-times and no walgreens was open yet and I cried before 8am, all of it just kind of gets to you. All of it makes you wonder if you made the right decision, if you’re the right puppy parent for this puppy, if you’re going to survive life with a 5 pound dog or if he’s going to get the best of you. On rough days with Chauncey that’s my overall thought “am I going to survive life with a now 12 pound puppy or did he just beat me?” Those days usually include me crying, wondering out loud why he peed on the floor while staring directly at me again, and why he has more fluff in his mouth than the stuffed toy that’s resting next to him. What helps on those days is to acknowledge that it’s puppy blues, to text my friend, to hug Tyler because we’re in this together, and to do something cute with Chauncey that reminds me he’s the funniest little thing.
He needs a lots less than Instagram ads lead you to believe…
Chauncey is mostly low maintenance in a high maintenance kind of way. He requires a lot of attention, like every evening at 7pm, he goes belly up on the couch, and cries until you rub his belly. The biggest necessity for him is without a doubt attention and consistency. He’s struggled a lot with adjusting to our new home and it’s made me feel bad at times because it’s a variable we introduced into his life willingly. We’re about 6 weeks into living in Portland and he’s still scared of going outside and still on wee wee pads at home. I’m trying to remind myself constantly that a new toy won’t make this better, that he just needs patience, consistency, and love, however I can give it.
Remember breaks? Your puppy will remind you
Before Chauncey, Tyler and I would work from the minute we woke up until we went to bed. There have been a lot of variables that have shifted our relationship to work and informed the lifestyle we want to have now, but Chauncey is undoubtedly one of them. He makes taking breaks necessary, but I think one of the biggest pluses of having a puppy is that he makes taking breaks fun too. He wants to play fetch and it stops me from checking my email incessantly. At 6pm he walks into the office, stares at Tyler, and demands to be played with. He forces us to find joy in not being next to our computers. I wish I could tell you that we would be able to do this alone, but it’d be harder and take much longer to have a positive, fun relationship with rest. Chauncey has accelerated and widened our perspective on how good it is to just sit around and play.
I guess the biggest lesson I’ve learned over 6 months, through the hard and the fun, is that I just want to live up to who my dog thinks I am.