The Mental Health Holiday Hack To Keep In Your Back Pocket

Every year I approach the holiday season with trepidation. I have this feeling that settles in like I have been here before and have never been here at all. Mostly because each holiday season is different. Yearly my mental health toolkit acquires more tools on how I can cope with the month of December, but it’s any one’s guess if the old tools will work.

The one hack that has never failed me during the winter holidays, death anniversaries, or other hard grief day is this — make plans you can break.

The unpredictability of how we’re going to be feeling on a certain day is a fact. If you’re like me, on hard days when you’ve committed to plans you may historically push through with them because you feel guilty or indebted to someone else to do so. But, as I’ve learned through trial and error, forcing yourself to be somewhere you don’t want to be or to partake in an event you don’t want to partake in, especially during a hard-for-you day is a recipe for disaster.

Instead of constantly putting myself in that situation, I started making plans with friends who wouldn’t mind if I broke them. People who deeply understood that I couldn’t anticipate what I would 100% want on a given day, but I could play my odds and have as many options open as possible.

Pick people who “get” you

My biggest tip if you use this hack is to make plans with those you can honestly say “actually, I need to be alone today.” Choose friends, family members, or partners who won’t be offended if you cancel morning of and don’t explain why. Some things just are.

Choose plans that would actually make you happy

By this I mean, just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean you have to have a Christmas themed virtual date with a loved one. Decide to watch a comedy show on Netflix, have a painting date, or something else altogether. The key here is that it be a plan that is fun for you, doesn’t feel like too much work, and you can easily slip into no matter the day you’re having.

Make plans with yourself too

Don’t leave yourself hanging. Too much emptiness on a hard day can make it even harder for some (I am some). Even if I decide to be alone on the given day, I still have a Plan B that involves things I like to do solo. I’ll jot them down on a note in my phone so that when it’s time to choose something, I don’t feel frozen by decision fatigue. Instead my options are clearly laid out and my present self can thank my past self for that forethought.

Remember that especially hard days are only 24 hours

This season so many of us will be having our “first holiday ever like this” because of COVID and the realities that come with it. The constant joke about 2020 is that it’s felt like Groundhog Day every single day for the last 9 months, but I promise that the worst of it is usually only 24 hours, that sleep makes a difference, and that the next day maybe some of the things in your emotional toolkit may work for you again.

While all plans this year are virtual or with those you live with, it’s still important to remember that you have individual needs that you owe yourself to meet accordingly. Being aware of how those needs morph as the days roll on will be key.