Create A Mental Health Defense Kit
During one of my first therapy sessions way back when, my therapist lovingly stared my way and said, “You need things outside of yourself to help anchor you on bad days.” At the time of her telling me this, my bad days were very, very bad. My hours were consumed with anxiety or depressive thoughts. The idea of cultivating a full roster of actions or safe spaces I could turn to on bad days felt incredibly difficult because I barely had the energy to walk out of the apartment in the first place.
Thinking back on those days, it was the most humbling season of my life. The perfectionist and problem solver in me wanted to be able to sit down for 15 minutes and brainstorm her way to a quick fix. Mental health doesn’t work on quick fixes though. Each day became a challenge and a reminder that the only way out of a bad day was through it and the only way through it was with acceptance and understanding the difference between what I could do and what I wanted to do.
I wanted to fix things. I wanted to make things go away. I wanted to not be who I was when I was in the thick of anxiety or sadness.
I could find anchors that helped smooth my edges. I could trust that I would survive hard days. I could prove to myself that love wasn’t conditional by loving myself no matter what.
In some ways, opening our eyes to what we can actually do during hard days can feel even more eviscerating than whatever hard thing you’re living through. I know that feeling personally. We want to be the superhero of our own stories and sometimes we need to realize that the superhero doesn’t always need to wear a cape, some days they are the versions of us who show up and try their absolute best no matter what.
Years out from that conversation with my therapist I still struggle to remind myself that my anchors are working even if they don’t make me feel better immediately. What has helped is telling myself that even the process of doing something that I know reads like love on paper means something to my ability to care for myself, no matter what the effect of it is in the moment.
It’s why I hope you don’t give up on finding what mental health defense kit makes sense for you.
I know hard days (weeks or months) feel suffocating. Lately, I’ve been struggling to find motivation too. I’ve been up and down, some days getting out of bed is an act of bravery and other days it’s a freaking joy. Washing my face at night feels like an act of self-love, especially on the nights when I just want to collapse into a puddle of tears or fear. When I get up on the mornings when it (living) hurts the most, I go back to that version of myself who was sitting back against so many walls when her therapist reminded her about the power of anchors on bad days.
I turn to baths, or reading, or getting dressed — I celebrate those as my biggest wins because on hard days, it isn’t closing the business deal that matters, it’s showing up for my body and mind that’s the priority.
My own mental health defense kit rests on three main truths:
It’s allowed to change to meet the moment
Trial and error still counts
As long as it’s healthy and doesn’t hurt me or others, it counts as self-care
If you are sitting in the chair I was in years ago, across from a therapist whose call to action feels impossible, whether because it feels like the first time or the last freaking time you want to go through this — I hope you know you’re not alone. However you choose to show up, makes a difference. Sometimes it just requires you make it to the next day in order to be able to really spot the distance you walked or ran.