What I've Learned Moving Across The Country (How I Feel About Portland Now)

We have lived in Portland now for more than half a year. Time has moved both so quickly and so slowly.

For context, moving across the country to Oregon from New York last fall wasn’t a decision we made lightly as a family or for me on a personal level. Leaving New York was the first time in my life that I’ve lived somewhere other than New York City. We left behind our friends, the environment our careers thrived on, and my family. All of this aside, if I had to sum our move up in one sentence it would be —  the best decision of my life.

Don’t get too far ahead of yourself here, Portland isn’t our forever home. We figured this out during the winter when it became apparent that it’d take too much of a toll on both our mental health and our careers to resign our lease in the fall. Knowing that this isn’t our forever home doesn’t take away the last six months or the next six months. If anything, understanding that our time here is a year of our lives brought to the surface so many lessons I’ve already learned that I know I wouldn’t have if we would’ve just stayed in New York City.

You decide what’s a mistake or what’s just life

Another me at another time would have felt embarrassed to admit that this wasn’t our forever home or would have internalized the shame or judgement of the “you shouldn’t have even moved” comments. A lot of those bad voices live in my head rent free on any given day, but it doesn’t mean they hold truth. If I’m honest, I’ve learned more about myself and why I moved here in the first place through living here than I could have told you about last October. I knew we were moving in an effort to change more adventure and more space, but it only dawned on me a month ago that what I was really searching for was a chance to breathe.

New York is amazing, but it’s hard to understand your own wants and needs in a city that prides itself on telling you what you want and need. For me, I realize it was essential to get off the conveyer belt just so I could breathe and gather my thoughts long enough to figure out what is next. Portland gave me the gift of time and space that’s allowed me to do this. I know that for the rest of my life, a yearly or twice a year trip to Oregon will be a must. I feel the most alive on Sauvie Island or in the middle of a trail where the trees touch the sky. It helps me feel small and seen all at once, New York doesn’t do that for me. I am fortunate to have found a place that helps me reset this much.

I have a better understanding of what home means for us

We know more about what home means to us now. You don’t have to move across the country to figure some of this stuff out, but for us the combination of a year in isolation as well as our move made it all abundantly clear. We are happier in a home that helps us feed our creativity while also protecting our time and mental health. Living closer to a bigger market feeds me in ways that I’ve been missing these past few months. I miss diversity across so many identities. When also focusing on the small ways our life has forever changed, we know that we can’t go back to not having a car, for instance, or that we’re yearning for a space that has outdoor space (whether a backyard or a balcony) so it can help our pup’s anxiety and the mental toll that takes on us. We also learned that as long as we have each other we can turn any home into a space with laughs and joy.

I learned I can set stricter personal boundaries

It’s not that I didn’t know this in theory, but it’s a whole different ballgame seeing it in practice. It hasn’t killed me to set stricter boundaries with my family and my work. It has only made me a better person to myself, my boyfriend, and my work, to set these boundaries. Knowing that there won’t always be 3,000 miles between me and all New York City represents for me, I’m using this time to work with my therapist on how I can keep the boundaries in place even when there isn’t a vast physical distance there. It’s hard, but it’s a lesson I needed to experience first before I learned how to upkeep it.

I trust myself and my ability to figure things out

I think everyone should make a drastic move to a new place at least once in their life. It doesn’t have to be for long or even that far away, but I do think pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone helps you learn to trust yourself more and more. I also think there’s a huge benefit to doing this with a partner. These few months where it’s only been just my guy, our pup, and me, have taught us how to turn to each other before we turn to someone else. When our car got messed up a few months back, our first conversation was with each other. We set out a plan, we decided who we would call next, and how we would handle it. Looking back it showed me how far we’d come in becoming our own unit and trusting that we got this. By default, this time away has also underscored that I got this. I can trust myself to plan a cross country move, make the right decisions for my family, and navigate through the highs and lows of life. It’s been so wildly transformative.

I had outgrown the NYC version of myself

From my clothes to the books I brought with me in our move, I’ve gone through it all and done away with 80% of it. I had outgrown my life in NYC and who I was there, but it took me moving across the country to realize this. I feel more confident in my style and I’m paying more attention to what I actually want to learn and read and consume. I am letting go of who I was without resentment too. It’s not a harsh breakup, it’s a simple acceptance that the person I was served me then, but the person I am now is new and for this moment in time.

I know that moving across the country feels so scary to even think about and like I said above I don’t think it’s a move everyone needs to make. For me, and for us, it just made sense. We needed the drastic shake in order to see what actually mattered to us, what didn’t, what we needed for a happy life, and what we could do without.

I don’t know if the next place we’ll move to will be our forever home, but I do know that we’re open for it to be or not to be. It’s comforting to know that no matter what you’ll figure out what’s best for you and yours.

I’d love to hear - have you made a drastic move or are you thinking about making one?