The Hardest Parts Of Puppy Separation Anxiety No One Tells You About
I’ve written three other posts about puppy separation anxiety and puppy blues since we got Chauncey a little over a year ago. The journey with his general anxiety and his separation anxiety have taken us on a rollercoaster that we were ill equipped to ride. Over the last few months especially, as we moved back east, it was apparent that we needed extra help.
Later this week I’ll be sharing a Q+A with our dog trainer and she answers some of the top questions you all had on the subject. I’m hoping both that post and this one (a bit more personal one) will help you through your puppy separation anxiety journey.
On our side — we could not love Chauncey more than we do. Watching anyone, even your dog, live with extreme anxiety is rough. It puts a strain on your day to day and you’re ultimately confronted with crossroads on how to best help them, but also how to continue to live your own life at the pace you’re used to.
Some of the hardest parts of puppy separation anxiety are how isolating it can be for both humans and pups, and also how difficult it can be to see progress.
THE SHAME AND STRESS OF HAVING YOUR LIFE REVOLVE AROUND YOUR DOG
No one prepares you for how much shaming and judgement come down on you whenever you’re open about your puppy’s separation anxiety. It sounds so silly to even write out but if human mental health is taboo, there is a specific kind of taboo that’s reserved to talking about a dog’s care and mental health. Right now we’re at a point with Chauncey where we can’t leave him alone at home. While it’s been a reality for months, this time it’s actually part of our “contract” with him during separation anxiety training that we will only leave him alone whenever we’re practicing our daily mission. Realistically this means that until we get to a point where we can go freely, we need to adjust our plans to meet his needs. Our current formula is that either one of us will stay home with him while the other heads out, we’ll put him in daycare (a luxury that I’m thankful for our sanity we’ve been able to afford), or we’ll make sure he can come wherever we’re going. Our hope is that all of these solutions are short term but even though I know they’re short term, that we’re doing what’s best for all of us by moving through life in this way, it’s still pretty embarrassing when someone’s response to us sharing our reality is “Oh wow you can’t leave him alone? You just have to be tougher.” This misunderstanding around puppy separation anxiety leads to judgement that I’m still learning how to navigate.
BEING LED BY ANYONE’S ANXIETY (EVEN YOUR DOG’S) IS NO WAY TO LIVE
Keeping your own mental wellness in check is key while you manage your puppy’s separation anxiety. The truth is that being led by anyone’s anxiety is really hard. Because we don’t speak as openly about how our pet’s health impact our own, sometimes we forget that training them or helping them navigate through the world can take a toll on our life and that as such we should prioritize what will make us feel better. Lately, I’ve been reincorporating my Artist’s Dates as a way to zone out from all the responsibilities and just tune into my own needs. I’ve also prioritized playing with Chauncey more so that I can remember that we’re not only in this to struggle through training, but also to enjoy life as it is right now.
YOU’LL BE CHALLENGED TO PRACTICE OVERCOMMUNICATING AND PATIENCE
My boyfriend and I have had the most honest conversations prompted by our journey with Chauncey. We’ve had to hold each other accountable to showing up to this process, but also to being honest about when one of us is carrying too much. On a personal level, it’s challenged my definition of patience. I’ve learned so much on my own mental wellness journey about how to spot my red flags or talk myself down from a state of panic, that I forgot we all start with big unknowns when we’re learning to trust that we’re mentally safe and can come ourselves. Even dogs start at day 1. I’ve had to practice patience as I see Chauncey learn how to self-regulate his emotions and find safety in the ways that make sense for him. I’ve also had to be patient as I learn to spot whenever he’s crossed over into panic and not punish myself for having missed it happening.
The biggest truth though is this — separation anxiety is scary for everyone involved. We find safety in our unit, which is a wonderful wonderful blessing. It’s okay that we have to all learn how to separate lovingly and trust the process of building this kind of confidence in Chauncey. If you’re living with a pup who is struggling with separation anxiety, I hope you know how valid the fear and mountains are that you’re climbing. You’re not alone and your pup isn’t alone.
If you’ve been struggling in similar ways, I’d love to know what’s been helpful to you!