Sticking To Therapy Even When It’s Boring Or Extra Hard

I have been in therapy for the last 8 years. I go weekly, every Monday, and sit with her for 45-minutes. During some seasons of my life, I’ve texted her in the middle of the week for extra help or support because making it to the next Monday felt impossible. During other seasons of my life, Monday would come around and we’d talk about the happiest and most inconsequential moments of my life because that was all I had to report.

I’ve learned since starting that the reality with therapy is that not every session is an unpacking of wounds and not every session will be interesting. There will be many “boring” sessions where you’ll leave wondering if you should even still be in therapy. The feeling will feel similar to the times you’ve walked out from the hardest sessions and wondered if you should even be digging up those wounds.

The problem with how we currently talk about therapy is that we focus so much energy on getting people to make that first session and then we abandon them once they start. Going to therapy is hard, committing to stay in therapy (even when you know it’s the best thing for you) is extra extra hard.

Before diving into some helpful things to keep in mind whenever you straddle the “I’m bored…is this even helping…is this even worth it…” line, I’ll add a personal note — I stay in therapy because I know it’s an essential part of my mental wellness routine. Therapy makes it possible and easier for me to adult in healthy ways. I know many people who don’t need therapy in this way or whose time in therapy is impactful because it is limited in scope. All experiences are valid. If you’re someone who knows you benefit from sticking around, here are some things I’ve found keep me going.

Acknowledge HOW those in between sessions ADD value TO YOUR LIFE

Therapy gets conflated with emergency rescue missions. My hope is that we start normalizing that therapy is as helpful in pointing out our best moments and healthiest coping mechanisms, as it is in pointing out the habits or moments we need to triage. Next time you have an “in between session” take some time to reflect on how those 45-minutes were used. Is it the first time that you speak openly and excitedly with someone about things that make you happy? Did you take the time to acknowledge ways that you’ve grown? Did you talk about an amazing weekend you just had? All of these have value, so long as we operate under the assumption that our joy is valued as highly as our pain.

NORMALIZE EXPLORING MORE THAN WHAT YOU STARTED THERAPY FOR

I went into therapy because I was going to graduate from college and wanted support in the transition. I’ve stayed in therapy for reasons that are not even remotely related to why I started. It’s okay if therapy sets you down a different mental wellness path than you expected. The more we can talk about how therapy is hard and how it’s maybe hard every week for different reasons, the easier it will be to stick through it during the hardest of patches.

TALK TO YOUR THERAPIST ABOUT YOUR THERAPY EXPERIENCE

It’s easy to feel like your therapist knows it all once you start therapy. In a lot of cases, they are the expert in helping you unpack anything that they are an expert in. This being said, you’re still the only “you” expert in that room. Advocating for yourself, asking questions about the process, or explaining that you feel like sessions are shifting for you — these can all be really important ways to show up in therapy. Having that honest conversation with your therapist can facilitate them helping you feel more comfortable or push you both to talk about the frequency of meeting and what may serve you better. (I’ll write another post — and interview some experts for it — on how to break up with your therapist because sometimes that’s at the heart of the problem)

Therapy isn’t easy. I’ve mentioned this a few times, but it’s hard to start and it’s hard to keep going on some days. Overall though the experience should be providing some sense of reprieve in your life, especially over a larger amount of time. But like any habit, there are good days and there are slow days — acknowledging this can help remind you that your therapy journey is still one of value.