An Unspoken Grief Trigger: The Changing Of Seasons

It’s been almost 20 years since I first noticed how changing seasons affect my grief. My mom died in January 2003 and the transition of the season from winter to spring made me sad. It felt like I’d left her in the winter and would never get her back. It may seem silly to anyone who hasn’t lost someone personally, or who isn’t triggered by changing weather patterns, but for those of us who are, it’s subtle but real.

I notice it even now. I have an especially complicated relationship with the summertime because for one, I just don’t like the heat, but the second thing is that the summer was the first vacation break I had after my mom died and before my family had figured out what to do with a 10-year-old kid. It was lonely, empty, and left me too much room to think, even back then. I mention this all now because we’re at the doorstep of another season and whether it’s your first year or twentieth, it still manages to hurt in unique ways. It helps to know that you’re not the only one who navigates “weird” ways their grief presents itself.

While I love fall because I love fall clothing and crispier weather, it’s also a season I’ve had to learn to breathe through. My mom and my grandmother both got sick in November of their respective years, so it can sometimes feel like I start navigating hard holidays much earlier than others.

I don’t want you to feel like you’re a buzz kill for the way your body notices seasonal changes, death anniversaries, or other noteworthy dates. There have actually been studies and anecdotes that show that people’s bodies and minds have grief reactions (or “anniversary reactions”). I recently read The Anatomy of Grief by Dorothy P. Hollinger and it helped me work through a lot of the preconceived notions I had about my own grief. Most of it all it helped remind me that I have been through a lot, the “a lot” that I’ve been through won’t ever fully stay in the past, and it’s okay for my present day self to have reactions to those life events.

The changing of seasons is a big one for me. Some of the things I do to mentally and physically prepare involve letting myself cry (I’m not huge on crying with someone so I’ll take longer baths to get the feels out alone), I remind myself that I don’t need to apologize for something that I’m doing my best to work through, and ultimately I write. Writing has and will always be one of the safest corners I can turn to whenever my grief starts feeling uniquely heavy.

I’d love to hear how you navigate changing seasons or death anniversaries or any other grief trigger that presents in your life.