Consider This Exercise The Next Time You Feel Like You've Abandoned Yourself

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my twenties is that we abandon ourselves often. It’s human condition to do things like say “yes” when you meant “no” or ignore our gut when it’s screaming inside of us. I say “human condition” in order to take some of the weight off your shoulders — you aren’t the only one.

In fact, as early as last week, I had abandoned myself out of fear of rejection. Instead of expressing my needs explicitly I wordsmithed them so that the other party never even knew I was making a direct request. I made it seem like a suggestion, but I still internalized their rejection as a personal reaction to my ask.

I ended up getting hurt — not because of their reaction, but because of my actions.

I’d set myself up for failure the minute I stopped being honest and true to myself, my needs, my wants, and my joy. Whether we’re motivated out of our truth by fear of not belonging, overall rejection, or past cycles, it can feel pretty visceral in the present moment.

A part of showing yourself love is finding pathways back to yourself whenever your abandonment is triggered. Those pathways are personal ones that you’ll have to take on the work of paving for yourself, but I’d love to share one exercise that’s truly helped me.

I sit down in the quiet and I write down all the places my mind goes. There are no wrong answers and no cues to try to prompt a specific narrative from my psyche. This is simply a listening exercise.

It can be very hard to listen to yourself at first for a couple of reasons. First, it’s uncomfortable to listen without judging. Second, we’ve ignored ourselves so often that the voice may have turned from a scream to a whisper. Showing up for the listening exercise every morning and evening, if even for 5 minutes, starts to cue your mind, body, and spirit, that you’re present and making the space for all parts of you to show up — no matter what.

I’m often overwhelmed by emotions in those moments. It helps so much to feel the full range of who I am and to have anything from words to full sentences to help me communicate those feelings. This listening exercise is just one way that I’ve found effective in bringing me back into my body and mind after I feel like I’ve abandoned myself.

I’d love to hear — do you have any habits you turn to?