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Who are you on the other side of realizing you should have done something differently? Whenever I feel caught (whether I’m “catching” myself or being “caught” by someone else) my knee jerk reaction is to hide in the corner of my mind where my ego lives. I feel small and get defensive. Over the years, I’ve learned that pausing does me better than any of the first words that I want to say or scream.

I’ve been thinking about this lately because I called myself out for the way I’d been moving through parts of my life. Instead of healing wounds or relationships, I was staying in the safe space that resentment and anger create for us. It’s like a small fortress that protects you from the hard memories or bad feelings, but also makes it impossible for anything good to enter. A lot of times when we’re living in that fortress we don’t need to be punished, we need to be encouraged and held.

Are you turning to your relationships for support or have you made it a habit to go at life alone?

Let’s start with the science before I tell you a story about vertigo.

In the New York Times, Eric Ravenscraft writes, “Research from U.C.L.A. suggests that putting your feelings into words — a process called ‘affect labeling’ — can diminish the response of the amygdala when you encounter things that are upsetting. This is how, over time, you can become less stressed over something that bothers you.”

I’ve plopped my laptop on our windowsill to write this to you. I’m sitting on my pup’s bed because our couch is still not here. Today I almost cried on the phone to the customer service rep, who is most definitely not at fault for the month long delay or the deep desire in my heart to feel a little more settled in our home than I feel right now, but who got the diatribe of my frustration all the same.

Because sometimes we just can’t help it, you know? I’m trying my best out there in a world that doesn’t always meet me where I am and I know you’re trying your best too. I know you see the good in your day, just as much as you notice the bad. But, I also know it’s harder to shake the bad, especially alone.