It took me a very long time (almost 8 years) to realize that birth control pills just weren’t for me. The straw that broke the camel’s back happened last fall when I realized a new brand I’d started in April (with a slightly new formula) was one of the culprits behind an onset of depression. I finally made the decision to come off the pill at the end of September 2021 and have had 5 menstrual cycles completely off birth control for the first time since my early twenties.

I’ve never been more afraid to get results back from a test. Let’s just start there. I also didn’t decide until after I got my results back that I would share that I took a fertility test in the first place.

Because I know conversations around fertility can be layered and triggering, I want to share upfront where I’m coming from, so that you can close the tab if this isn’t for you.

Towards the end of last year a few things became abundantly clear to me:

1. I am closer to 30 than I am to 20

2. I had no real physical health routines that grounded me in the midst of life changes

3. My body had taken a big toll over the last few months because I was walking a lot less

I’m so committed to my mental wellness routines that I sometimes forget I live in my body and that a part of that is a responsibility to nourish it in the right ways. Every part of our being is interconnected and ignoring one part sends ripple effects through them all. I know this because at the end of 2020, I was feeling the most sluggish, bloated, and uncomfortable in my body that I have ever felt.

If 2020 taught me anything it’s that resolutions can feel limiting and don’t factor in being human or the parts of life we can’t always control (aka a pandemic). For 2021, instead of resolutions, I’m choosing to be guided by a handful of intentions — phrases or words that can morph to meet the moment or the circumstances around me.

I didn’t know where we were going for my birthday. Tyler had planned it all. It was amazing. Not only because it’s really nice to have someone else take on logistics, but because I am huge on birthdays (big days in general) and adding thoughtfulness to make a moment out of them.

A month ahead of my birthday, all I knew were the dates I had to block off on my calendar, that we were going somewhere where I probably wouldn’t have phone service, and that it was COVID-safe.

In an ode to 28, I’ve published two posts that I think pick up where I am right now in my life. The one below is the lighter one. If it feels like I wrote it while listening to Taylor Swift’s “Long Story Short”, well, it’s because I did. It gives you a snapshot of where and how I’m trying to build most of my days.

This essay on Medium is the same but different. It speaks more to all the work I need to put in to get to a place where I can even write things like the below.

Recently I realized that I tend to read books in pairs. The habit is helpful in making sure that I don’t get bored halfway through and abandon a book. It also helps lighten the mood if the book I am reading is heavier or more dense.

In the case of my latest pairing I was pretty intentional. Going in to starting The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, I knew that Brown’s writing style would be story-led but also have a layer of research in it that could feel dense to me if I was only reading that. Enter: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

During a Q+A a few weeks back someone asked me what the difference was between mental health and mental wellness.

In an effort to have something tangible to answer, I shared that mental health is something we all have (same as we do our physical health), but mental wellness comes down to intention, routines, and trial and error. Mental wellness is everything we know to do on a bad day to help us cope but it’s also the routines we discover through therapy, reading, or getting to know ourselves better.

We’ve officially been in Portland for almost four weeks now. Since then we’ve managed to buy so much and forget even more. I was making macaroni and cheese during our second week here and spent most of it jotting down all the kitchen items I’d realized I didn’t have to make mac and cheese with.

Given that this move is the first time I’ve ever left my hometown of NYC, for me it’s made up of a lot of firsts. It’s been a unique experience that it’s all also happening under the umbrella of a global pandemic because not only do we want to create a space that screams “comfy home”, but we also want to make it functional as a workspace.

I’m a big believer that building a self-care routine that makes sense for your life is way more important than buying one-off items that are on trend or only have a one-time use. For instance, I find that having a humidifier in your home that makes it easier for you to breathe can actually help your quality of life exponentially. It may not be the sexiest product, but in a time when we’re spending most of our days indoors and especially as we get closer to the drier, colder months, added items like a humidifier can be the difference-makers between a good day and a dreadful one.

I spent some time on Amazon searching for Prime Day deals that would add more to your days than just the adrenaline rush of buying something new (although, I admit there were a few items that did just that for me).

My goal when compiling this list rested on a few factors — price, long-term use potential, and where and how it could incorporate into your existing self-care routine or help you start a new one.

In normal times I would start this piece with a rundown on what to expect when you’re walking into your therapist’s office for the first time, but given it’s COVID-times, this is both a rundown of my experience going to therapy in-person for the first time and what I’ve learned about doing virtual therapy for the first time.

The biggest caveat I want to introduce early on is that I started therapy over six years ago. It’s been a while since I had a first session with a therapist, but I can still remember the nerves I felt while sitting in the waiting room. I was the first person I knew who was going to therapy as an adult and the only other point of reference I had was a horrible experience I’d sat through when I was 11 years old and coping with my mom’s death.

From conversations with friends and strangers, I’ve learned that the two biggest hurdles to actually starting therapy at the beginning are finding a therapist and actually getting to the first appointment.